A Timeline of ‘Authentic Self’

Being your ‘authentic self’ has a checkered past in my career. Similar to the dawn of the internet, I feel like I have grown up through its progress from primordial idea to full-blown ubiquitous involvement in my day to day life. I don’t know about you, but being ‘me’ at work is often hard, having to read the room for who I feel safe around, what situations I’m in, or even what building I’m working in. There are some that think not being oneself is a sin, that if you can’t be ‘you’ in the workplace, you should find a new one. But I fall between extremes — I think there is enough evidence to suggest that being authentic and honest with your personality and all its quirks is a risk, but one I am willing to take, especially as I grow older and more confident in myself.

Let’s take a journey through time to identify what my ‘authentic self’ has been throughout the years.

2005–2010

Ah, what a young Buck I was…. bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I was hungry to prove myself, but how much of myself was I actually being out in the ‘real world’?

‘Self’ Description: The Eager Beaver

Authenticity Score: 25%

Takeaway: If you’re willing to work hard, there will be people willing to work you hard. Does it pay off? Not always monetarily, but the people who see you put the work in will remember, allowing you to use that later on for networking. But those early connections were flawed in some ways, as I was more focused in showing off my skills than showing others myself. Sure, I connected to others via work ethic, but those connections weathered with time and distance as they weren’t built through personality, but rather through persistance.

2010–2015

Getting married, starting a family, starting to realize that promotions are more than just ‘work harder than your peers.’ Oh, and what’s that thing you’re talking about, ‘work / life balance’??

‘Self’ Description: The Workaholic

Authenticity Score: 10%

Takeaway: It’s hard to be decide who you want to be at work when who you want to be outside of it is constantly evolving. In this span of life I was newly married, father to two babies turned toddlers, and trying to figure out what my ‘Husband’ and ‘Father’ hats looked like before I could really decide what that ‘Worker’ fit looked like. I was also struggling to find my way at different companies, thinking that the ‘self’ I was being wasnt good enough. So I tinkered, I tried, and I ultimately failed at both succeeding and being myself. Which was a bit of a light going off — if I can’t climb to new heights trying to be something I’m not, why not just try being me?

2015–2020

Have you ever been so sleep deprived you forget years of your life? I’m confident I held a job during these years, but having 3 kids under 10, losing a parent and career identity issues were too much for my memory to recall just what I was like.

‘Self’ Description: The Functional Zombie

Authenticity Score: 51%

Takeaway: I was taking to heart what I had learned the previous years, that I had nothing to lose in bringing this tired and ragged dad-bod into work without putting myself through a personality filter. Work was going to start getting more Raybuck than they’d ever gotten before. These years saw fruitful mentors, new job opportunities and friendships that weren’t propped up by some element of ‘whats in this for me?’

2020 — Now

As I bring this ride into my 40’s, I know more about who I am, allowing the gauge of ‘how authentic am I being?’ to be more fine tuned and accurate as I know what fake vs. real looks like.

‘Self’ Description: The Glue Guy

Authenticity Score: 90%

Takeaway: I have pitched the wax statue version of myself and feel like I arrive at the office as much as myself as I’ve ever been. Do I throw on a mask every so often? Sure. But there is thought behind it, even some regret that I should have pulled back a bit without seeing so much of myself. Or perhaps that’s the wrong response? Who’s to know. But as I see myself transform from a mentee to a mentor, once of my favorite accomplishments is that I am able to be myself the most in those formative moments. It is when I am connecting with younger, less experienced professionals where I let myself through the most. Is this something I am cognizant of in the moment? No, not really. But its my favorite because it is what I wish I had earlier in my career — someone not ashamed to be themselves or feel like putting on a show of who they aren’t is more important than just being real. I am more concerned with the culture I help make than the accolades I receive.

What do the next few time periods have in store? Will I get to 100%? Will there be a regression? Part of the theraputic nature of writing these is that it will hopefully push me to be what I want — which is authentically me, everywhere, all of the time.